I suck at moderation. Always have. I’m either all about something, or not at all. Finding a balance is probably the hardest thing for me. I always feel like if I’m going to do something, I have to go all out. Too many things in my life have been all or nothing. Sometimes that’s okay, sometimes not so much.

When I started working out, I was fairly normal and balanced. Then as time went on, the more I loved it, the more I turned into an obsessive nut about it, and ultimately, the less I loved it. I let it become a determining factor in my happiness. I could only be happy if the numbers on the scale kept going down. I could only be happy if I had x-number of hours to work out in a given week, if I had meticulously tracked my calories. I counted grapes, for heaven’s sake. Never more than seventeen in a serving. Tell me how one even arrives at such a number.  Sadly, as much as I absolutely adore baking, I never actually did it so I could avoid having bad foods in the house.

A lot has changed this year, and I am the happiest and most balanced I have ever been. I don’t have as much time to work out as much as I used to, but I do it when I can, and I do a more reasonable amount. Lately, that hasn’t been much as I might like. I went on a vacation and spent several weeks sick. Part of me is freaking out, and part of me accepts that you can’t do everything all the time. Really working on that balance thing. I love to bake, so I do it when I want to. Sometimes I try to make something on the healthier side, and sometimes I go all out.

The bowl of leftover Halloween candy was staring at me over the weekend. My hormones got the best of me, so I made these glorious brownies. Based on my favorite brownie recipe, but with chopped Reese’s cups and Fast Break bars, topped with a swirl of super creamy peanut butter. Somethings are still worth taking to the extreme.

I know I won’t make it to the gym tonight, because the horses are getting hay delivered. That’s okay. I also know I’ll probably have one of these brownies after dinner. Whatever. I know I weigh a couple insignificant pounds more than I did a year ago, but that’s okay too. I’m happy. I do things that I love, when I feel like doing them. My life doesn’t revolve around how many grapes I had for a snack. I am more myself than I have been in a very long time, and I am grateful for where life has brought me. Moderation is not so bad – as long as it doesn’t keep you from making or enjoying these!   =)

All or Nothing Peanut Butter Brownies

1 stick unsalted butter
2-3 squares baking chocolate
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
4 eggs
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup chopped Reese’s peanut butter cups
1 cup chopped Reese’s Fast Break bars
2 cups mini marshmallows
1/2 cup (or more) creamy peanut butter

I only use one bowl for this, and I mix it by hand to avoid breaking out the mixer. The less mess, the better! In a microwave safe bowl large enough to hold the batter, melt butter and chocolate. Whisk thoroughly once completely melted. Add sugars and vanilla and whisk again until smooth. Whisk in eggs one at a time. Stir in flour until combined and fold in the chopped Reese’s cups, Fast Breaks, and marshmallows. Pour batter into a greased pan (mine is a hair smaller than a 9×13, and makes fabulous, thick brownies). Microwave peanut butter for thirty seconds or so and drop as dollops onto the top of the batter. Drag a butter knife back and forth across the batter to swirl. Bake at 350 for 35-45 minutes depending upon the size of the pan and the thickness of the brownies. Do not over bake – the center should still be slightly jiggly as it will firm up as it cools.

Adapted from my usual brownie recipe at How Sweet It Is